The Big Day

It begins. 

I have opted for a general anaesthetic  The last man to pre-assess my nether regions is the surgeon who greets me on the ward. He says the general will be easier because “it will be a bit fiddly”. I have to wait on the ward for a couple of hours during which time another doctor visits me to go through the process in detail. I recommend you prepare questions you might have about the operation and recovery in advance for this moment. It can be over quite quickly and there's not much more chance to ask.

When it’s time to go in, I’m wheeled in, it feels like a film, the surgeons and anaesthetists and several nurses are all about, and it is only a short time before my arm is aching and I feel a little drunk. No time for nerves at all. Then I’m awaking from deep sleep. I’m aware of my surroundings quickly, aware of the a dull pain where the procedure has taken place and it takes me around 20 minutes or half an hour, back on the ward, to return to being fully awake.

Once I’m back in a normal state, the nurse sorts me out with some privacy so I might become acquainted with the ‘chap’s new haircut’. I have been strapped up in thick gauze dressing which has been wrapped tightly round the circumference of the head of my penis, allowing about an inch of head visible through the top and secured to the shaft of my penis with strong sticky plasters. I am pleased that this dressing is smaller than I had imagined, and there is plenty of room to pee. This dressing should stay on for 3 days and shouldn't get wet. If

There is a distant pain consistent with what you might imagine after someone had carefully sliced some skin off you and I can feel the familiar haze of dihyrdacodeine running through my brain and keeping the pain entirely manageable.

I go for a sit-down-wee. There is discomfort before I start, not pain as such, but once it’s flowing, the whole procedure is very successful and I emerge triumphant.

I am provided with an anti-inflammatory and a paracetemol/dihydracodeine cocktail which I am familiar with from having back pain not so long ago. I know that some people are provided with antibiotics to keep infection at bay, but the doctor says that will only be necessary if there actually is an infection.

The pain subsides quite quickly in the evening. I continue to take the highest allowed dosage of drugs though because the night worries me, specifically when getting an erection at night, I’ve been told this can be painful.